If someone you love has died, you do not have to sort out grief alone, and you do not have to pay for help to get started. Medicare requires every hospice to offer bereavement support to the family for up to a year after a patient’s death, and many hospices extend it to 13 months. That support is part of the hospice benefit, not an add-on. Many hospices and hospitals also open their grief services to people in the community whose loved one was never on hospice at all. Below is what grief tends to look like, when it is time to seek more help, and where to find support across Oakland, Macomb and Wayne counties.
What bereavement support means
When a hospice patient dies, the hospice’s work with the family is not finished. Medicare’s Conditions of Participation require hospices to assess each family’s bereavement needs and provide support for up to a year after the death. Support that reaches past the first anniversary matters, because that date is often harder than people expect.
What that support looks like varies by hospice, but commonly includes:
- A call or visit from a bereavement counselor in the first weeks
- Mailings or check-ins at intervals during the year
- Individual counseling sessions
- Grief support groups, in person or by phone or video
- Memorial gatherings
- Referrals when someone needs more than the hospice can provide
Every adult in the family can use it: the spouse, the adult children, sometimes grandchildren. You do not need to have been the primary caregiver.
If your loved one was not on hospice
You can still reach out. Call us and tell us what happened; we will help you find grief support that fits, whether through a hospice program, a hospital, a faith community or a counselor.
What grief looks like
There is no correct way to grieve, and there is no schedule. Still, it helps to know that many of the following are ordinary:
In your body. Exhaustion. Trouble sleeping, or sleeping far too much. Loss of appetite or eating without tasting. Aches, headaches, a tight chest. Forgetting words and losing your keys.
In your feelings. Sadness, of course. Also numbness, anger, guilt about things you did or did not do, relief that the suffering is over followed by guilt about the relief.
In your days. Avoiding the room. Setting two plates. Reaching for the phone to call her. Feeling fine at work and falling apart in the car.
Over time. The waves usually come farther apart. They may not get smaller. Anniversaries, the first holidays, and the sight of an old sweater can bring everything back a year later. That is not going backward. That is grief.
Grief in children and teens
Children grieve in bursts: sad for ten minutes, then playing. Teens may withdraw or act as if nothing happened. Both need honest, simple language (“Grandpa died,” not “we lost him”) and reassurance that the death was not their fault. Several children’s grief programs exist in southeast Michigan; see the resources below.
Grief after a long caregiving stretch
If you spent months or years as a caregiver, you may grieve twice: the person, and the role. The daily structure is gone. Some caregivers feel unmoored for a while. That is common, and a group of other former caregivers can help a great deal.
When to seek more help
Most people move through grief with time, ordinary support and, sometimes, a group or counselor. But grief can sink into something heavier. Reach out to a professional, or ask the hospice bereavement team for a referral, if you notice:
- Thoughts that you would be better off dead, or thoughts of harming yourself
- Being unable to do basic things like eat, bathe or get out of bed for days at a time
- Using alcohol or other substances to get through the day
- Intense grief that has not softened at all after many months and keeps you from functioning
- Isolation that deepens rather than eases
- Physical symptoms that are new or worsening
If you are in crisis right now, call or text 988, the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. It is free, confidential and available 24 hours a day. If someone is in immediate danger, call 911.
Grief resources in Oakland, Macomb and Wayne counties
This list is a starting point. Organizations change their programs and schedules, so confirm details before you go.
Crisis and general help lines
- 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline — call or text 988, any time.
- Michigan 2-1-1 — dial 211 for referrals to local counseling, support groups and social services.
Hospice bereavement programs
- Lily Hospice bereavement support — available for at least a year after a death to families of Lily patients. Call (248) 955-5100.
- Other hospices in the region also offer bereavement programs. If your loved one was on another hospice, ask that hospice first; that support belongs to your family.
Hospital-based grief groups
Several health systems with hospitals in the three counties host free grief support groups, often through their chaplaincy or social work departments. Ask at the hospital nearest you, including:
- Hospitals in the Corewell Health system in Oakland and Macomb counties (formerly Beaumont)
- Henry Ford Health hospitals in Oakland, Macomb and Wayne counties (including the former Ascension hospitals)
- McLaren hospitals in Macomb and Oakland counties
- Trinity Health hospitals in Oakland and Wayne counties
Area Agencies on Aging
- Area Agency on Aging 1-B — serves Oakland and Macomb counties (among others) with information, referrals and caregiver support, including for surviving spouses and adult children.
- The Senior Alliance (Area Agency on Aging 1-C) — serves Wayne County outside the city of Detroit.
- Detroit Area Agency on Aging — serves the city of Detroit and several nearby communities.
Children’s and family grief programs
- Southeast Michigan has established nonprofit grief programs for children, teens and their families, some with peer groups organized by age.
Faith communities
Many congregations in the region run grief groups that are open to non-members. If you belong to a faith community, ask. If you do not, a hospice chaplain or social worker can help you find one that fits.
Peer support groups
- National peer organizations with local chapters in southeast Michigan offer groups for specific losses, such as the death of a child, the death of a spouse, or loss to suicide.
Counselors and therapists
A grief-trained therapist can be found through your health insurance’s provider directory, your primary care doctor, or 211. Ask whether the counselor has specific experience with bereavement; not all do.
How Lily handles this
Bereavement support is part of Lily Hospice’s care for every family we serve, for at least a year after a death. Our chaplains and social workers are also part of that support, before and after a death. If we are not the right fit, we will help you find who is.
Frequently asked questions
Is hospice grief support really free? Yes. Bereavement support for the family for up to a year after a death is a required part of the Medicare hospice benefit, and many hospices extend it to 13 months. There is no charge to the family.
My mother died in the hospital, not on hospice. Can I still get help? Often, yes. Many hospices and hospitals offer bereavement services to the wider community, and we can point you toward options. Call and ask.
How do I know if my grief is “normal”? Grief that comes in waves, disrupts sleep and appetite, and returns hard on anniversaries is ordinary. Grief that includes thoughts of self-harm, inability to function for days, or substance use to cope needs professional attention. When in doubt, ask a bereavement counselor.
Is there help for my kids? Yes. Children’s grief programs exist in southeast Michigan, and hospice bereavement teams can help you talk with children in plain, honest language.
Talk to us
Whether your loved one was on Lily’s care or not, you can call (248) 955-5100 and ask for bereavement support. A real person answers 24 hours a day, and someone from our team will get back to you to talk about what would help.
Written and reviewed by the Lily Hospice clinical team.
Sources
- Medicare.gov, “Hospice care”: https://www.medicare.gov/coverage/hospice-care
- CMS, Hospice Conditions of Participation, 42 CFR 418.64(d) Bereavement counseling: https://www.ecfr.gov/current/title-42/chapter-IV/subchapter-G/part-418/subpart-C/subject-group-ECFR3d8c7ba0dc2a56c/section-418.64
- 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline: https://988lifeline.org/
- National Alliance for Care at Home (formerly NHPCO), Grief and Loss resources: https://www.nhpco.org/patients-and-caregivers/grief-and-loss/
